An obituary is one of the last things written about a person. It announces their death, but more importantly, it tells the world who they were. Done well, an obituary captures something true about a life. Done poorly, it reads like a form letter that could describe anyone.
Most families have never written an obituary before. They sit down at the kitchen table a day or two after losing someone, exhausted and grieving, and stare at a blank page. They know the person deserved better than a generic listing of dates and survivors, but they do not know where to start.
This guide is here to help. Whether you are writing an obituary right now or thinking about what you would want said about you someday, here is how to write one that actually means something.
What an Obituary Needs to Include
Before we talk about making it personal, let us cover the essential information that every obituary should contain. These are the facts that readers expect to find.
Full legal name. Include the person's full name, including their middle name or maiden name if applicable. If they went by a nickname, include it in quotation marks after their first name.
Age at death. This is standard and expected.
Date of death. The specific date, not just the day of the week.
Place of death. The city and state where the death occurred. You do not need to name the specific facility unless the family wants to.
Place of residence. Where the person lived at the time of death.
Date and place of birth. Where and when the person was born.
Names of survivors. List the immediate family members who survive the deceased. This typically includes a spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, and parents if still living. Include the city or state where each survivor lives if you choose.
Names of those who preceded them in death. List close family members who died before the deceased, typically parents, a spouse, siblings, or children.
Service details. Include the date, time, and location of the visitation, funeral service, or memorial service. If the service is private, you can note that instead.
Funeral home name. Mention the funeral home handling the arrangements. At
Limestone Chapel, we help families draft and publish their obituaries as part of our full-service care.
Memorial contributions. If the family prefers donations to a specific charity in lieu of flowers, include the organization's name and how to donate.
These are the bones of an obituary. They provide the facts people need. But the facts alone do not tell anyone who this person really was. That is where the writing matters.
Start With the Person, Not the Death
The most common mistake in obituary writing is leading with the death. "John Smith, 74, of Bedford, Indiana, passed away on March 15, 2026." That sentence is factually correct, but it reduces a human being to a statistic.
A stronger opening starts with the person. Who were they? What defined them? What would someone who knew them well say about them in one sentence?
Consider the difference between these two openings:
"Mary Johnson, 81, of Mitchell, Indiana, died on April 2, 2026, at her home."
Versus:
"Mary Johnson could grow anything. Tomatoes, roses, friendships, and the kind of faith that held a family together through sixty years of Indiana winters. She died on April 2, 2026, at her home in Mitchell, surrounded by the people she loved most."
Both contain the same facts. But the second one tells you something about Mary. It gives you a glimpse of her life, not just her death.
You do not need to be a professional writer to do this. You just need to think about what made this person who they were, and lead with that.
Tell a Story
The best obituaries include at least one specific story or detail that brings the person to life on the page. This is what separates a memorable tribute from a forgettable one.
Think about the things your loved one was known for. Maybe your father told the same three jokes at every family dinner for thirty years, and everyone groaned but secretly loved it. Maybe your grandmother kept a candy dish on her coffee table that was never allowed to go empty. Maybe your husband coached Little League for a decade and still remembered every kid's name.
These details are small, but they are real. They are the things that make someone irreplaceable. Including even one specific detail in an obituary gives readers a window into who this person was, not just what they did.
You can also include defining moments. How they met their spouse. The time they drove across three states to help a friend in need. The career they built from nothing. The hobby that kept them sane. The challenge they overcame. The thing they were proudest of.
A good rule of thumb: if the story makes you smile through tears, it belongs in the obituary.
Cover the Life, Not Just the Resume
Many obituaries read like a chronological list of accomplishments. Born here, graduated there, worked at this company for forty years, retired, died. That format is orderly, but it misses the point. An obituary is not a resume. It is a portrait.
Instead of listing every job, focus on what the work meant to the person. Instead of naming every organization they belonged to, explain what drew them to that community. Instead of cataloging every place they lived, describe the one that felt most like home.
Here are some areas to consider covering:
Work and career. What did they do, and did they love it? Were they the kind of person who whistled on the way to work, or did they count the days to retirement? Did their work make a visible impact on the community?
Military service. If your loved one served, include their branch, years of service, rank, and any notable deployments or commendations. Military service is a point of pride for many families, and the details matter. At Limestone Chapel, we honor veterans through our
veteran services and can help coordinate military honors for the service.
Education. Include if it was meaningful to them. If they were the first in their family to graduate college, that is worth mentioning. If school was just something they got through on the way to the life they really wanted, it may not need much space.
Faith and church life. If faith was central to who they were, say so. Name the church. Mention their involvement. Share how their beliefs shaped the way they lived.
Hobbies and passions. This is often where the best material lives. The garden they tended for fifty years. The fish they never caught. The quilt they never finished. The car they rebuilt in the garage. These are the things that made them human.
Personality and character. Was your loved one funny, stubborn, generous, quiet, loud, fearless, gentle? What would their best friend say about them? What would their grandchildren remember?
Community involvement. Volunteer work, civic organizations, coaching, mentoring, and community leadership all paint a picture of someone who gave back.
Write in Their Voice
One of the most powerful things you can do in an obituary is let the person's voice come through. If your father was a no-nonsense farmer who never used a fancy word when a plain one would do, the obituary should reflect that. If your mother was witty and irreverent, let that humor show up on the page.
Some families choose to write the obituary in the first person, as if the deceased were telling their own story. "I was born on a cold January morning in 1942, and I have been running late ever since." This can be a beautiful and memorable approach if it fits the person's personality.
Others write in the third person but use language and phrasing that the person would have recognized as their own. If your grandfather called everyone "buddy" and ended every phone call with "well, I better let you go," those details belong somewhere in the tribute.
The goal is authenticity. An obituary should sound like the person it is about, not like a template filled in with different names.
What to Do About Difficult Lives
Not every life is easy to summarize. Some people struggled with addiction. Some had broken relationships. Some lived lives that were complicated, messy, and painful alongside the good parts.
You do not have to pretend those things did not happen, but you also do not have to put them in the obituary. An obituary is a public document, and its purpose is to honor the person, not to settle scores or air grievances.
Focus on what was true and good, even if it was not always easy. A person who fought addiction for twenty years and found sobriety in their last five showed remarkable courage. A parent who was imperfect but showed up when it mattered most still deserves to be remembered with grace.
If you are struggling with how to handle a difficult aspect of someone's life, talk to your funeral director. At Limestone Chapel, we help families navigate these sensitive conversations with care and discretion. We have helped many families find the right words when the words did not come easily.
Practical Tips for the Writing Process
Write it together. Sitting down with two or three family members produces a richer obituary than writing alone. Each person remembers different stories and details. The conversation itself can be healing.
Start with a list. Before writing sentences, just jot down words, phrases, and memories. What did they love? What were they known for? What will you miss most? Once you have a list, the writing becomes much easier.
Read it out loud. After you have a draft, read it aloud. You will catch awkward phrasing, missing details, and sections that feel flat. If a sentence makes you pause and smile, keep it. If a paragraph feels generic, add a specific detail.
Keep the length appropriate. There is no perfect length for an obituary. Some are a few paragraphs. Others fill a full page. The right length is however long it takes to say what needs to be said without repeating yourself. Newspaper obituaries may have word limits and per-word charges, so check with the publication if you plan to run it in print.
Do not forget the logistics. After all the beautiful storytelling, make sure the essential facts are included: the full name, dates, survivors, service details, and memorial contribution information. These are the details people need to act on.
Proofread carefully. Names, dates, and family relationships are especially important to verify. Errors in an obituary are painful for families and difficult to correct after publication.
Where to Publish the Obituary
Obituaries can be published in several places, and most families use more than one.
The funeral home website. At Limestone Chapel, we publish every obituary on our
obituary page at no additional charge. This is often the first place people look when they hear about a death.
Local newspapers. The Bedford Times-Mail and other regional papers publish obituaries, typically for a per-word or per-line fee. Newspaper obituaries reach people who may not be connected to the family online.
Online obituary platforms. Sites like Legacy.com and other memorial platforms allow obituaries to be published with guest books where friends and family can leave condolences. Some of these are free while others charge a fee.
Social media. Many families share the obituary on Facebook, where it can reach a wide audience quickly. If you share on social media, consider waiting until close family has been notified personally before posting publicly.
Pre-Writing Your Own Obituary
This may sound unusual, but more people are choosing to write their own obituaries as part of
pre-planning their funeral arrangements. There are some real advantages to this approach.
You get to tell your own story, in your own words, the way you want it told. You can include the details that matter most to you and leave out the ones that do not. You can inject your personality, your humor, and your perspective in a way that no one else could replicate.
It also spares your family from having to write it during one of the hardest weeks of their lives. One less decision to make, one less task to complete, during a time when everything feels overwhelming.
If you want to write your own obituary, start with the basics and then add the personal touches. Store it with your pre-planning documents and let your family know where to find it. You can update it anytime you want.

We Can Help You Write It
If you are facing the task of writing an obituary right now and feel stuck, know that you do not have to do it alone. At Limestone Chapel, we sit with families and help them craft obituaries that are honest, personal, and true to the life being remembered.
We ask the questions that help the stories come out. We help organize the details. And we handle the publication and distribution so you can focus on your family.
If you need help with an obituary, or with any part of the funeral process,
contact us at (812) 675-0046. We are here for you, with patience, honesty, and care.
